Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
