somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
