Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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