so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
