fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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