that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize