So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
