He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
