I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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