I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
