Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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