I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
