I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
