Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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