I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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