My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
