he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
