omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
