U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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