Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize