sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
