Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My cat gives me a boner
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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