remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize