I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this just has baby written all over it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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