Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
