dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
