He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
