Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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