Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
