Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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