Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Found your dick twin last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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