I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
