hotel room ftw
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
