Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
