Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
