I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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