I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
