the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We left an ass print on the piano.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
