So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Everyone says I win the strip club
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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