yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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