Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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