update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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