Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
