just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
