My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize