the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
