I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
