so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
