First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
