I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
