There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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