she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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