her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
