got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
