how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
