Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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