Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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