I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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