It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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