I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
