I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize