if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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