I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
