It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
