Non-Jews are for practice
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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