hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
