The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
