I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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