well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
