I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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