If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize