We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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