He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
