i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
