Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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